Your girl is on fire but she is starting to get a little burnt…My body is telling me to slow down. My mind is in autopilot and I am forgetting things that I should be remembering. Waking up at 4AM and going to bed at midnight is catching up to me.
The stress of our imperfect garden is weighing heavy on me along side a new project assigned to me at work. Trying to figure out how exactly I am going to hang on to this roller coaster ride without falling off. Doing all of this while trying to be a supportive wife, mother, aunt, sister, daughter, colleague, leader and friend. I have been burned out before but never felt like I didn’t have control like this time.
So… how did I get here!? I continue to say yes of course I can or sure no problem. Can you relate? What I should be saying is no that’s not the direction I want to go in. Or appreciate you asking but I will have to respectfully decline. I have come to the realization that I am trying to be everything to everyone but me.
Why is it that we put ourselves last? In order to help others you need to help yourself first.
Burnout has caused my patience to wear very thin. Unfortunately, my husband becomes my emotional punching bag. I can also see that he is starting to fade a bit from burnout. Living this lifestyle is not easy and building a farm is one of the hardest things I have ever done. You never get a break. There is always something that needs to be done and if you don’t do it, it plain and simple won’t get done. You can’t put it off until tomorrow because something’s life may depend on it. Sound dramatic?? It’s not.. as I am writing this at 9PM on a Friday after my husband and I had a spat about absolutely nothing… it was so trivial.. I told him I could plant the rest of the cabbage and he insisted he do it. Thinking about it now, it was an unnecessary conversation. I am also mustering up the strength to put the chickens and ducks up so they are safe from predators during the evening hours.
I also just worked a full day and then rushed out the door to sell at a market 25 minutes away that had a very minimal community turnout. As I was driving home I was thinking about all the time spent harvesting at 6AM only to have to bring a majority of it back home. This happens sometimes especially when it gets closer to school starting again. People get busy. I had to remind myself what matters are when people do show up you are there when they need you. I also enjoy going to market to see and interact with everyone. The world just feels a little lighter and more manageable to carry after a market.
So what now? Well it’s time to take care of me and follow through on my commitments to my already spoken yeses. This means certain things I currently do will be paused not ended so I can gather myself again and rebuild the best version of me. This blog happens to be a pause. I had a great streak going! I posted every week since December 2023. I will be back with a newer version of me.
Moral of the story… It’s time to put yourself first and if you don’t really know if you can find yourself these days… it’s time to go find her (or him).♥️✌🏼-Jamie
Moral Of The Story 
Hi, Jamie! I will be praying for you and your husband as you face this stress! I know how burn-out feels and how it causes temper flares and mind fog and exhaustion, having experienced it once many years ago as a high-school teacher.
Having been a reader of your blog nearly since the beginning, I have often wondered if perhaps you both are working yourselves too hard with having responsibilities to corporate jobs as well as the beautiful farm. I hope you won’t mind my offering a thought of potential advice… My suggestion is that one of you gives up the corporate job to focus solely on the farm. Of course, I don’t know how tight your financial situation is, but if one of you can be free to maintain the farm, the other will have less farmwork to have to do while keeping the money coming in through the office. My husband quit his job twice during our marriage, with my blessing, because of the stress factor, and it was very freeing. We managed even without his paycheck, cutting back some non-essentials, but we had so much peace from the decision. Certainly, the Lord Jesus had to be with us during all that time to help us come to the decision, to give us courage to proceed with the decision, and to go ahead and let go of the source of the stress. We never regretted those times.
From what I’ve read in your blogs, I can see that the farm is the greatest source of contentment for you both–your dream. My advice is to pursue that farm. One of you needs to be free to focus on it day in and day out. I think you will both find less stress in that.
Please forgive my boldness to offer my opinion on the situation. You touched my heart with your blog today, and I just had to let you know. I am praying for you both!
Karen Cunningham
LikeLiked by 1 person
Hi Karen ♥️ thank you for the support you have shown us! Your advice is so appreciated. We have talked a lot about making some changes to chase our dream and I am pushing Ryan to make the move for both of us. We have talked about just having value added minimal projects on the farm as well moving forward. We have started to work on a minimalist mindset. But man o man… we got some digging out to do. We tried to be everything all at once and it has finally caught up to us. I love this blog and the way it makes me feel when I hit post. I won’t actually stop writing my thoughts it will just be my drafts and away to keep my sanity just without the pressure I put on myself with a deadline. I have a feeling that we will find the best version of us by stepping back and refocusing on the things that matter. We want to thank you for your prayers it means the world to us and sharing some of your story gives me hope that we are moving forward in the right direction. ♥️✌🏼-Jamie
LikeLike